Van Belle, Douglas A.

Douglas A. Van Belle is a pain in the ass, arse, bum, buttocks. backside when it comes to any attempt to extract biographical information. In fact, he’s pretty much a pain in the ass in all contexts and situations. The following biographical statements have been culled from his published work. Some of it may be true-ish.

Genetically similar to a human.

After winning the 1973 Nobel Prize in quantum astrology, Doug was abducted by aliens posing as hyper-intelligent buffalo and he spent several years leaking just enough information about Area 51 to keep people from realizing that it was Area 57 that they should be worrying about. Nothing happened in 1986, absolutely nothing, so quit asking. Doug denies any responsibility for many unfortunate things including: ABBA, sweater vests, dogs that are smaller than cats, Baywatch, the ridiculous way the French spell things, Australia, El Nino, and Kevin Costner.

Additional denials and misinformation can be found at: …

Douglas A. Van Belle is not Canadian. Not that there is anything wrong with being Canadian. Doug has Canadian friends and he has even been to a Canadian bar. He didn’t realize it was a Canadian bar when he went in, but still, he didn’t freak out or anything. Whether people are born Canadian or if it is a lifestyle choice…Doug really doesn’t care what consenting adults, of any species, choose to do in the privacy of their own country, but he is not Canadian. He wonders why the land of Canadians is called Canada and not Canadia, but still…

Sent to Earth shortly before Krypton exploded, Doug Van Belle was raised by gorillas in Africa and then bitten by a radioactive spider while on a high school field trip. None of that helped much at all. He misspent his youth—and a bit more—trying to find a violent competitive sport that did not cause him serious harm, but the four times he broke his nose suggest that he is slow to learn. Somewhere in there, there was a bunch of degrees and some other learnin’ stuff …

After a chance encounter at a book signing, Isaac Asimov once described Doug as “that punk who stole my pen.” Despite unshakable determination and a casual disregard for all those court orders saying things like cease and desist, Doug has been unable to spin, twist, warp or mutilate this statement into a metaphor for passing the mantle of Sci-Fi greatness to a bold young talent. If anyone can think of a way, please let him know.

Stolen from a website somewhere in the universe!

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